Alice Poetry

 

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Vagina Monologue
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VAGINA MONOLOGUE

 

My name is Alice and I try to rap

I look a bit gothic and I sound a bit crap

I try to tell the news in a different way

I have a lot to tell you ,But not a lot to say

 

So this is my take, on the latest fashion craze

On how we trim our fufus* and the hairs that we erase

You see, I dye my hair black but my fufu is fair

And now we have this new wave of designer pubic hair

 

Thereís David Brent from The Office, with the little goatee beard

The trouble is with this one, it looks a little weird

Then there is the bald look, the clean shaven one

But you really must be careful if you have a hairy bum

And donít forget to keep it smooth, or it will start to itch

And donít use shaving lotion, or the pain will make it twitch

 

Then there is the German look, the aux naturelle

Which is great if you donít use wax or razors very well

 

You see I dye my hair black but really Iím a blonde

Which is why Iím rather fond of the aeroplane blonde

You see the aeroplane blonde has lovely blonde locks

But you just canít disguise that little black box !

 

* female genitalia

 

Performed at the Comedy Store Manchester and on ITV Take the Mic.