Alice Poetry

 

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Calendar Girl

Calendar Girl (or the seagull)

 

There is an image, I would like to evoke

Being rather fond of a practical joke

The film Calendar Girls inspired my tease

As I lay naked on the couch, and I tried not to sneeze

You see, Id covered my assets with double whipped cream

And I lay down on the sofa, as I tried not to scream

My dog scrambled over, for a sniff and a lick

So I put her in the kitchen before she was sick

But, as I jumped up off the sofa, the cream fell down, splat

All over the floor, and some on the cat

I sprayed on some more, and lay back on the couch

Holding in my stomach, as I tried not to slouch

Then the bloody phone rang, could be him on the line

I jumped up again, the cream now turning to slime

As I walked gingerly over, it stopped, and I swore

Most of the cream was now on the floor

I used the last of the pot and squeezed it all out

And I lay on the carpet trying to pout

But the bastard was late and by the time he got in

The cream had all melted and I looked pretty grim

He was smiling and laughing as he took in the sight

I must have looked crazy all covered in white

He was laughing so much that he almost turned blue

Then he said very kindly

Did a giant Seagull shit over you ?